Smeasy Corner

Have mercy on this small black boy down here; preserve him from all men that have no bowels to feel fear – Herman Melville, Moby Dick;

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This juncture is known to me, for it is this very matter of life that I fear most - abandonment! Could that be possible? I cannot live my life, or ready myself for death until I have grasped this small precious molecule and known it unmistakably for what it is and from where it has come forth. 

Seizures of anxiety that are riddled with thoughts of death come upon me when I am separated from the person that I love, adore and cherish, my beloved, now Sarah. To believe there is a solution, an intellectual one, to that root of anxiety, may be ambitious or even devious, however, this is no tricky discourse to draw out and then find the right instruments with which to destroy anxiety. Far from it, for it is anxiety that has been providing me with the moral warnings and teachings I have been in most need of, most resistant to, suffocating the flow of every thought, idea and action. And for this I shall not dismantle it for that would subvert my own journey, nor should I punish it when I have found it for that same reason. On the contrary, I must know what it is that it is and through this know the fear that has quivered immemorially within me. I must know the fear - Mifune